Gringo In Peru

Vanessa and I are busy playing the baby name game.

Actually, its not much of a game. We’ve got two names (boy and girl) and some possible back-ups.

(Drum roll please….)

Boy: Ethan Andrew

Girl: Annika Isabel

*Names are subject to change

My wife was against giving the kid a middle name. I remember grandpa telling me he didn’t have a middle name. When he was in the army, he had to fill out all his forms NMI (no middle initial). I feared my child would be running around as NMI (enn-emm-i) and pushed for something.

Vanessa really liked the name Matteo for a boy. I was OK with it, but I had some problems with it. Back in my school yard days every boy was named Matthew or Jeremy. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but there were so many Matts running around that I didn’t want to add another to the world. Vanessa decided against it (for now) because she didn’t want people calling him Matt.

We also considered Enzo.

Annika we both agree on. Vanessa really likes Isabella, but her cousin has a daughter named Isabella. She didn’t want duplication.

Lilly is also in the running.

Ethan is a bit nostalgic for me. My cabbage patch doll was named Ethan. (Yes, I had one. Don’t judge.) My sister also had another boy cabbage patch doll named Rocky. I used to stage WWF wrestling matches between “Ethan” Hogan and Rowdy “Rocky” Piper with the dolls. If I remember, Ethan usually won.

Maybe it was a harbinger of things to come.

We still don’t know the sex of baby V face. We should know before we arrive stateside.

I’m still on the hunt for my new job in the U.S.

I’ve applied for something like three or four jobs this week. I forget really. In this day and age of unlimited e-mail in-box space, the conformation e-mails keep coming and keep being forgotten. I haven’t reached this level yet, but the day may be coming.

During this quest, I applied for a job through one of those find-a-job website that offers resume reviews. I was game, it was F-R-double E (free) after all. About 24 hours later I got my review. Really, I’m not sure if my resume was read by a real person or if this was a computer generated form letter. There were sections pulled from my resume and quoted which gave it the feel of the “human touch”. There were some good ideas, and I used these ideas for a rewrite.

Of course, there was a sales pitch. I could have my resume professionally rewritten for an outrageous fee (or six semi-outrageous monthly payments). No thanks. The constructive criticism was helpful and maybe the tips will help me land a job. We’ll wait and see.

Back here in Peru. I’ve told the English Factory™ that we’re leaving in May. My boss has been understanding throughout this process and she knew it was coming. I did find out that I’ll get the chance to cash in some Peruvian benefits. Here in Peru companies make deposits each month in a personal unemployment account in all U.S. dollars. I’ll get that money 48 hours after my last day.

The English Factory™ will also pay out my vacation. That’s nice. It will be like working in May without having to work.

The countdown to coming home is on.

There are still a lot of loose ends.

We got our ticket.

V said she couldn’t wait any longer.

We will fly out of Lima at 9:20 a.m. on Thursday May 20th and arrive in Minneapolis at 10:15 p.m. In the middle, there is a three hour layover in Miami, which may not be such a bad thing considering we have to go through customs and immigration.

From there the next stop (the next day) may be Fargo depending on my job prospects. It would be nice to land with a job or at least a few legitimate leads. Many people have told me the “you’ve made it to the next round” e-mail from the IRS is good news.  Sure, it would be nice to have, but I’m not getting my hopes up.

Yesterday my inbox was hit with my first official rejection letter. It was for a job I had  just applied for on Friday. Either the company works quick or the job had been filled. I had also applied for a job with the same company, but at a different location. No rejection letter about that job, yet.

Today is my big day off from the English Factory™ so I plan to spend it looking for more jobs. If you know of anything that won’t be an embarrassment to my family (or my pride) let me know. We are willing to relocate just about anywhere.

The end is nye nigh.

The job hunt continues.

I would guess I’ve averaged about a job application a day this last week. Everything from communications jobs to a corporate trainer position. Even in the down economy, there seems to be a lot of jobs out there. At risk of sounding like a repetitive blogger, for most of these jobs I match some, but not all, the qualifications. Although, I’ve just applied for two jobs with the same company (one in Fargo, one in Minneapolis) that both seem like good fits.

If I get an interview I’ll go home early.

We’ll see what happens.

So far, all I ever seem to get is the “thanks for applying” e-mail.

Oddly enough, I did get a response this week from the IRS. That e-mail said I had made it past the first round of the still ongoing selection process. That breaks the cycle. I’m not holding my breath though.

We’ll see what happens.

Moments ago I just filled out another application for a government job. This job was in the St. Paul office of a federal law enforcement agency. Once again, I met many, but not all of the qualifications. My rational for this application is simple, I’ve asked cops plenty of questions during my time in news, why not try to be the answerer?

It’s amazing how many questions the feds ask in these virtual pre-interviews. They are pretty thorough. That’s why I’m a little shocked I met the  initial qualifications for the IRS. I completed that application quickly and just moments before the deadline. Maybe I work well under pressure.

All the other on-line apps just ask for a resume, cover letter (optional) and a “virtual” signature.

Next week, I’ll likely send more resumes out into the anynomous abyss that is the internet. I guess its a lot like sending your resume away in the old days. You hope somebody at least looks at what you have to offer, but you never really know.

In the meantime, Vanessa is itching to get back. She wants to buy our tickets home tomorrow. Expect to see us towards the end of May. More details will follow.

The three month curse is up, so I’m announcing the big news.

We’re pregnant!

That’s right. We’ve known since the day after Christmas that “Baby V Face” (my pet name for the gender-yet-to-be-determined baby) is on his or her way.

Due date is September 2nd.

Vanessa and her mom told everyone and anyone they could when we found out. I’ve been much more apprehensive about it. Only my family and a few friends know. Now the whole world (theoretically) knows.

We weren’t planning to start a family just yet. Vanessa had gone off birth control and a doctor put her on a fairly strict diet. This was done to get her ready to eventually get pregnant.

Vanessa and her friends even went as far as trying to track her cycle, so we knew when sex was “safe”. This plan lasted about three months before conception.

While my niece was entering the world, we were celebrating our birthdays a little too hard and making a baby of our own.

Because of this baby news, we are planning to arrive stateside in May. Vanessa’s school is letting her work until parent-teacher conferences in mid-May, which is nice.

In a perfect world, we would have stayed her until early August for the money. Here in Peru, employers hand out bonuses in July (for Peruvian independence day) and December (Christmas). For most, it means a double paycheck.  V will in her third trimester by then. She can’t fly and we’ll miss our money.

This week V did pick up her visa. All we really have to do is buy the plane ticket.

The job hunt continues. I’ve applied to a handful of jobs over this internet thing. I wonder if I’m hurting my chances by listing my address as Peru. I explain my situation in the cover letter, if employers take the time to read it. If I use my permanent U.S. address (my parents house), that’s lying. Every on-line application I fill out includes a section where you have to verify if the information on your resume is true. Since I’m not currently in Moorhead, MN if I can’t really say that’s my address now can I?

Almost all of the jobs I’ve applied for are in the sphere of “corporate communications” and call for social media know-how. Because of this I’ve even signed up for Twitter. You can follow me at andrewgraning. I don’t have a real inner desire to “tweet”. But I’ve got facebook, why not join Twitter nation? If you have any Twitter tips or tricks let me know.

These jobs also ask for knowledge of software I’ve never heard of. I’m willing to learn. The question is: where, when and how? I’m hoping is somebody will take a chance on a former TV producer who can write and is completely trainable. My story is not unique in this economy though and stories like this don’t give me much hope.

So what have we learned kids? My boys can swim. We’re moving to a new continent, neither one of us has jobs. We’ve got no home of our own.

Wow.

It’s going to be a big year.

Since our approval, we’ve been on the hunt for jobs and plane tickets home.

On the job front, I’ve found a few interesting leads in the Minneapolis area. I haven’t applied for anything yet because I really need to polish my resume. Which got me thinking, what address do I use? My permanent residence is technically my parents place, but I’m living in Peru. What’s a boy to do?

Last night I did apply for a job with the IRS in D.C. I had to act fast, I found the job at 8 p.m. and applications closed at 11. Before you make judgements about my future as a tax man, the job was in the communications department in one of the many divisions of the tax service. What really got me excited was the pay range, $101-140K a year. That’s a lot of beans to count, even with the pricey D.C. area cost of living.

I threw together a quick application, but I doubt there’s a chance for a call back. At the end of the process I was asked to submit a alphabet soup of federal employment forms. Most of which looked like they applied to former military or current government employees.

The good news is I did beat the deadline and my bedtime. It also felt good to get one application down, with many more to go.

Getting home could be another story.

Right after getting our visa news, V called a travel agent friend of hers to see what a plane ticket would cost. We looked at Lima to Fargo since there’s a good chance that’s where we will start operations. American had the best price at $960, Delta was $1200. The advantage of American, besides price, is the schedule. American runs three flights a day out of Lima, we would leave here at 7 a.m., make connections in Miami and Chicago, then land in Fargo around 10 p.m. There are also minimal layovers, about two hours at each stop. With Delta, we would be flying overnight.

We have not looked at Lima to Minneapolis/St. Paul, yet.

We have also talked about renting a car for the Fargo to Minneapolis leg of the journey. That might be less expensive on paper, but car rental companies don’t like it when you “dead head”. That’s the industry term when you rent a car in one city and return it in another. There is usually some sort of fee associated with that, but I have no earthly idea what it would be. It still may be cheaper than flying to Fargo. Who knows.

Looks like we’ll be spending our Valentine’s weekend researching our way home.

Today was our big day at the Embassy.

Our appointment was 8 a.m., but my wife wanted to be there early. She had us there at 7:15 and there was already a line about 40 people deep.

Once inside the “fortress of democracy” visa seekers are filtered into two areas, an outdoor courtyard and an indoor waiting room. We had the right to sit inside. From there you are divided into two groups, immigrant visas (us) and other visas.

There we waited.

Our first call up was about 8:20. The woman behind the bullet-proof glass gave us a big pile of paperwork including our original birth certificates, marriage license and other documents our lawyer filed on our behalf and asked Vanessa for her waiver letter.

She then asked Vanessa a few general questions about our relationship. She wanted to know how long we had been in Peru. Window lady seemed a little startled when V told her we had both been living in Peru since August 20, 2007. I don’t think she expected the husband would make that kind of sacrifice.

At one point she asked if we had pictures. Vanessa asked her what she wanted to see: Dating pictures, wedding pictures, vacation pictures we brought a whole scrapbook full of relationship evidence. The window lady said she didn’t need to actually see them, she wanted to make sure that we had them.

After some 10 minutes at the window, we were back on the waiting benches. Fourty-five minutes later, we were called to a special room to continue our “interview”.

Using the word “interview” is a little misleading. Once again we dealt with an embassy worker behind bullet-proof glass, except this time we got to sit down. He had our folder, with all the paperwork we’ve filed over the past 15 months. He would shuffle through the papers, type something on his computer, occasionally popping his head up to ask questions like “Where do you plan to live when you return?” (Moorhead, Minnesota) “Who are Daniel and Jean?” (My parents) “Will you live with your parents when you return?” (Yes) “Will you be working at FOX-TV when you return?” (I don’t know).

Then he went back to typing. After a few minutes, he had V raise her right hand and swear that everything on the forms was “true and nothing but true” he handed V a pink sticker and said “You’re visa is approved.”

From there we had to go to the on-site DHL office. The Embassy issues the Visas, but for security reasons (or so they say) they send the Visas through DHL. (While in line I wondered how a German company landed this contract. You would think since it is the American Embassy they would go with an American company like UPS or FedEx, but I digress.) Notice, I didn’t say deliver. We paid about $8 for the embassy to send the visas to a DHL office, with DHL service. It is up to the receiver to pick-up the visa. Dumb.

This process gets even more cumbersome. While there are three DHL offices near the house, it can’t be sent there because Vanessa is getting a residence visa. Instead, it will be sent to an office in a suburb about 45 minutes from the house. Dumber.

The visa will be ours next Wednesday.

One other frustrating part of this process. Nobody looked at any of the documents we burned a whole ink cartridge printing. Nobody looked at the scrapbook proving our relationship. The only thing they wanted was Vanessa’s waiver letter and the embassy appointment letter. It’s funny, because at the end of all the immigration forms is a paragraph declaring how these forms are simpler because of the “paperwork reduction act” of 2003. The government should really work on the paperwork elimination act. We’ve now got a pile of papers that will never be read.

So when are we coming home?

That’s the $64,000 question. We have six months to vacate Peru. We’re looking at April or May right now. Everything hinges on what Vanessa’s school says. School starts in March. Once they find out she’s bailing, she may not be hired back for next school year. If that happens, we’ll likely leave earlier. We’ll know what her employment status is next week.

We’re both excited to be coming home and finally starting our lives together, on our terms.

There is some other big news, but that has to wait for a while.

Anybody know of any jobs?

The Super Bowl has come and gone. I’m not going to bore you with the details. You are either a fan and watched it, or you opted for other entertainment.

Thankfully, I was able to enjoy the big game with some big time American craft beer.

My aunt Kathy and her friend Jodee visited us last week. Jodee found out I was a beer fan and brought me two bottles of good stuff. One thing I can honestly say that I miss (besides friends and family) is good beer. Peruvian beer is OK, but really underwhelming. It’s good beer for a hot sunny day, but lacks flavor.

My personal favorite Peruvian Beer is Pilsen Callao. It reminds me of a lighter version of the “high gravity” lagers your grandpa used to drink that are now coveted by hipsters. Water down a PBR, Hamm’s, Shlitz or Old Milwaukee and you get the idea. Pilsen offers some of the beer taste I crave, but not all. Actually, many Peruvian drinkers complain that its too strong for their pallets.

Cristal is far and away the most popular beer in Peru. This offers the serious beer drinker nothing really. The best way to describe this beer’s taste is cold.

Cusquena is the only Peruvian beer that is widely exported. Not that it is terribly popular around the world, but if your local liquor store sells South American beer, Cusquena will likely be in stock. It is smooth and has a very clean finish. This year they offered a limited edition wheat beer that wasn’t bad. Many people I talked to didn’t like it because it “tastes funny” to them. Personally, wheat beers are not my favorite, but I appreciated the different flavor.

My dentist has family in Champlin, MN. When they visit she always brings her brother-in-law bottles of Cusquena as a gift and he loves it. I understand why. If you are used to drinking crappy American macro-brewed light beer this is a banquet of flavor, but not too offensive.

(For further reading on Peruvian brews this may help)

Thankfully, yours truly has moved on from those days. The older I get the more I like hoppy beers. For those of you who don’t know hops are the ingredient that give beer its flavor. I like my beer bitter and these beers didn’t disappoint.

I celebrated the first half with a Lagunitas Hop Stoopid Ale. The label said hop extracts were used in the brewing process making for a stronger hop flavor and cleaner brewing tanks. It had an International Bitterness Unit rating of 107, which is bitter. There is some debate within the beer community about the validility of the IBU scale. Some say that the human pallet stops sensing the bitterness around 100 IBU’s so the numbers are worthless. Also, because of the chemistry of beer, a malty brew may have a high IBU but not taste as bitter as a less malty beer with a lower IBU.

Whew! If that goes over your head I’m sorry. This isn’t meant to be beer 101 and truthfully I’m no expert.

My take on the Hop Stoopid. It was everything I wanted in a beer. From the first sniff to the first taste it was flavorful. It wasn’t terribly bitter, but it was citrusy with a very clean finish. It was refreshing to drink a real beer.

The second half kicked-off with an on-side kick and a Dugan A IPA. Both were good choices. Wow. This is what I was looking for. It reminded me a lot of my favorite beer the Surly Furious. Dugan A clocked in at 93 IBUs and you could feel it. No clean finish here. With each sip it felt like a hop was setting up camp in the back of my throat. Now that’s what I call beer.

I liked the Dugan A better, but I’m not going trash the Hop Stoopid. Both were great beers. Both were much better than what Peru has to offer.

In other news…

Tomorrow is our big appointment at the embassy. I’ll keep you posted.

All this beer talk is making me thirsty. I’ll leave you with a web short for Twin Cities own Surly Brewing Company. Cheers.

A few weeks ago my mom sent us some books through the good old U.S. mail.

The books are now in Peru, but I doubt we’re ever going to see them.

Don’t blame the USPS. They arrived safe and sound they are currently stuck in libro limbo.

About a week ago we got a letter from the Peruvian postal service saying the package could not be delivered to the house. Instead it had to be picked up at the main post office. The post office in a suburb that’s not totally far away, but not close either. So, Vanessa and Mita made the journey one afternoon while I was at the English Factory.

At the post office, she found out he package wasn’t coming home with her. Turns out my mom labeled the package with our last names, like you address Christmas cards, (Think “The Andersons”) instead of using one of our names. Because of this the clerk refused to give V the box, instead she came home with a pile of forms we have to fill out, get notarized, send back to my parents, wait for approval then (hopefully) we can get the package.

I’ll save you the boring details, but if we follow through with all the paperwork it will take about a month and about $40 in miscellaneous fees.

Sorry Mom, we won’t be picking up the package. It’s not worth it, for the price, time and effort we can buy new books when we get home. It’s not your fault, chalk one up to Peruvian bureaucracy.

The lesson for the rest of you: send international packages with complete names, preferably as they appear on the receiver’s ID card. If you don’t, who knows what kind problems you might face.

Random Notes:

• Sorry the blog continues to be neglected. I had a few extra days off from the English factory and my Aunt was here for a visit. There hasn’t been much computer time lately. In a related story, she left last night for Baltimore and is now stuck in Atlanta until Tuesday. Thankfully she knew about this before take-off and cashed in her hotel bonus points for two nights at the airport Holliday Inn. It beats spending two days in the airport. That’s just another example of how powerful the Internet is and how quickly we’ve adapted to it. None of the above scenario would have been possible 10-15 years ago.
• Speaking of the English Factory. Two of my classes were reassigned, so I’m working less this month. Which I don’t mind.
• This week we have our big appointment at the Embassy. We should get our Visa and find ourselves back in the U.S. sometime this year. I’ll keep you posted.

One of my five classes this month has been an adventure.

This class is full of children aged 8 to 13. Boy is there a difference between the maturity and energy level of an 8 year old and a 13 year old. Besides the language barrier, I’ve got some major behavior gems.

One student, whom we’ll call Jimmy, was a peach from the start. He wouldn’t do his work and if he’s not paying attention, he’s wandering around the class looking for trouble. A few of the older girl students have noticed this and decided to use Jimmy as their errand boy. He’s always running to serve at their beck and call, playing messenger and throwing away their garbage.

Jimmy is a little prince compared to a boy we’ll call Bobby. Bobby crawls on the floor, follows me around like a shadow and is always asking “what time is it” in Spanish.

Needless to say, what started out as a good class quickly zoomed out of control. It got so bad I had to call in back-ups, my bosses. Once I explained the situation, they attended my next class. They could see that I was prepared, and doing everything by the book. They also witnessed the major behavioral issues contaminating the learning environment.

It’s sad. Out of 25 kids in class there are my problem children Jimmy and Bobby, four who are really good students, ten who show real potential and would thrive in a better situation. The rest obviously don’t want to be there and will likely fail.

My bosses were impressed I was able to conduct some kind of class in that room without totally losing it. It may have been a while since I was their age, but I do remember the teachers that blow up usually don’t help matters. Plus, I would be yelling at them in another language. Their English level is so low I’d be just entertaining myself.

Needless to say the month is almost over. My supervisors have promised me I won’t get a class at that age level again.

A boy can only dream.